PAPER                         MAX        EARNED

Content                        30        27
  correct
  appropriate
  complete

- the content with respect to Jack's study and your analysis of it is
  excellent

- one missing ingredient is a list of literature references.  E.g. one
  or two on Jack's work, and then a handful of references keyed to the
  specific analyses you do, so that an interested reader (one of
  Jack's data analysts for example) could go learn more about the
  techniques you are using.

Organization                   20        20
  overall
  sentences and paragraphs
  signposts for skim reader
  two audiences (investigator
    and instructors)

- a brief abstract summarizing findings would be useful

- overall organization (at level of sects and subsects) great; section
  and subsection headers tend to describe problems of interest to Jack
  rather than stat techniques (that is good)

- local organization (sentences and paragraphs) great

Format                         10         10
  layout
  typography

- great

Language                       10         10
  voice
  precise
  clear
  concise
  forthright
  familiar
  fluid

- excellent

Mechanics                      10          9
  grammar
  usage
  punctuation
  spelling

- light copyediting for spelling and other minor typos (ispell at
  least!) 

- leading double quotes need to be "turned around" (standard LaTeX
  newbie error)

Figures and Tables             10          9
  judiciousness
  each discussed in text

- very nicely done
- careful to label figures as figures and tables as tables
  (e.g. figure 8 is really a table...)
- not always referred to in text!

Appendix/es                    10         10
  judiciousness
  organization
  crossref'd from text

- good selection of material for main text
- all other material in appx, some crossref'ing to appx (good)

TOTAL                         100         95

OVERALL COMMENTS:

great job with (a) a totally changing project (from Ghana to Pgh!) and
(b) a weaker experimental design.  You were not only able to say "what 
the experiment died of", but also to make positive, productive suggestions 
for designing future studies.  That is a good outcome.